Offline, off beat and off on one.

Well, I am back in the land of passwords, email, facebook and people who use lol so often I want beat them to death with my keyboard (you know, most of them aren't laughing out loud when they type it, fucking liars). My laptop screen has died and I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to get to grips with substandard alternatives to access the net, whilst trying to track down a relevantly knowledgeable nerd to fix the problem. It would seem this was too much to ask (special thank you goes, in particular, to the bushy bearded fellow in the local IT store who when I asked how much it would cost to get a new back light for the monitor, replied 'Dunno', and then simply stared at me with his dead eyes until I backed, slowly and silently, out of the shop. A future giant of business in the making, I'm sure of it). Anyhoo, I attempted to get online using my mobile phone, but found that staring at such a tiny screen for longer than it took to make a frigging internet connection was enough to induce the stomach churning headaches known to man. I also tried to use my Playstation 3, which was more successful than the phone, if not tooth-itchingly slow. It also had the minor downside of only recognising certain links, so I was able to open my email account, just not read any of the messages. I could log into facebook and scroll up and down, but not across, so was only able to view half a page at any time. So I resorted to simply plugging the laptop into a separate monitor (I say simply, but the idea didn't occur for a few weeks, and I say I, but it was actually fiance that it eventually occur ed to).
On a less technology-based note, wedding plans are under way! I have no earthy idea as to where, when or how we will get married but I am researching every type of wedding known to man in my usual obsessive need for information. I am totally in love with both the offbeatbride.com blog, with its marvellous 'wedding porn', and indiebride.com, in particular their kvetch forum, which is a mine of random ideas and unique perspectives on the whole concept of marriage. I am exploring the idea of marrying abroad, as I like the idea of an outside affair (have always had a passion for the Al fresco..) but this is not possible in England. My dad has suggested an elopement to Gretna green, but I'm not very sold on that one. I am pleased to discover that fiance is as keen to strip away all the pointless traditions that have attached themselves to weddings but are entirely for the guests entertainment, rather than the couples commitment. I am adamant there shall be no receiving line, no bouquet toss (fairly sure there won't be any flowers), no speeches, no favours and NO DJs. Anyways, I shall, fingers, eyes and legs crossed, be updating much more regularly now my connection to the world beyond my garden has been restored.